I wrote following piece to address issues of co-dependence and substance abuse in personal relationships, after realizing that a loved one was not going to get sober just because I demanded it.

I can be happy regardless of whether anyone around me is happy.

Just because someone I love is miserable, that doesn’t mean I have to be miserable along with them. I can continue to be present with them, accepting their condition and offering support, without feeling obligated to share their misery.

I, and only I, am responsible for my own happiness.

I can’t stake my happiness on anyone else’s saying, or doing, or being anything. I can’t say that if only this person would love me or care about me, then that would make me happy. No one else can “make” me happy. Happiness is an existential decision. It is not dependent on circumstance.

I am not responsible for anyone else’s decision to be happy.

Nothing I can say, or do, or be, will ever cause someone else to be happy if they really don’t want to be. It is their decision whether to be happy or not, regardless of their life circumstances at the time.

I can still be happy even after someone has mistreated me.

If someone mistreats me I will feel hurt and angry, but I can still be happy even while acknowledging that they have done me wrong. This should not mean that I continue to put up with poor treatment, however. I have a right to be treated well. Even more than that, I have an obligation to not allow anyone to treat me poorly because I am a child of the goddess and it is up to all of us to honor and shield that which is of Her.

True and perfect happiness is a state of grace.

It is beyond any temporary emotional state of elation which most people, including myself, often mistake for happiness. The other side of elation is despair, which is equally transient. True happiness comes from contacting and realizing the changeless & eternal core of our being, our true identity.

© 2001 by Rebecca Firestone and Art Before Science.