Question: My petty tyrant of a boss has finally downsized me. I should be crushed, but I’m so elated that I feel like dancing on his desk. Now I can tell him the truth about how I feel, right?
Ahaha, very funny. Try to work out your angst with cartoons or laughing amongst your friends. Even there, though, be careful – emails have a way of going to the wrong recipient.
Having said that, here’s the original list.
- Were you born an asshole, or did you work at it?
- No one wants your company secrets, except as a bad example.
- It’s good that you don’t care why I’m leaving, because anyone with half a brain could figure it out.
- You’ll be paying consultants five times as much to tell you the exact same things as I’ve been saying for the past three years.
- Don’t waste time waiting around with your mouth open, hoping that a roast pheasant will fly into it. For one thing, roast pheasants almost never fly sideways. They only fly downwards.
Here’s what really got said.
Boss: So you’re leaving. Well, I don’t care why you’re leaving… (pause)… although I’m sure you have good reasons. Where are you going?
Me: Here and there… working part time at other places.
Boss: Are you working for the competition? I’ll have to shoot you now so you don’t reveal any company secrets.
Me: Boss-man, people are a lot less interested in your company secrets than you think.
Me: Look, you’ve turned down projects because they weren’t your thing, right? Well, not every office wants to do the type of projects that you do. *
* These would be the types of projects built on fantasy, for clients who never pay. But I didn’t say this part.