Question: Can I use Pickup Artist tactics to bend my team managers to my Will?

Answer:

No. PUA only works for obnoxious males who have, or pretend to have, a power advantage. The tactics consist of veiled insults designed to induce a state of uncertainty. If you’re a manager, these tactics are tailor-made for you, but you probably knew that already. If you’re rank-and-file, use “The Rules” instead.

The Rules, for those who don’t know, are gimmicky tricks that women can supposedly use to bamboozle men and turn them into dupes and love slaves. These manipulative tactics for powerless females work by leveraging evolutionary biology, aka “The War Between the Sexes”.

Pickup Artist (PUA) tactics, by contrast, are tricks used by horny, low-status men whose primary goal in life is having sex with beautiful women as a form of revenge. Basically, by mimicking the behavior of high-status males, they can trick almost female into bed, at least for a few days.

Since you, as a lowly teammate, are not in a position of power to begin with, you must use the women’s weapons, aka The Rules. They’re designed for people who are already at a disadvantage. There are 35 of them and we will only cover a few. They’re all kind of useful, though.

The first rule is “Be a creature unlike any other.” What this means for teammates is be really good at your job. Create deliverables that nobody else can. This way they cannot fire you. Or if they do fire you for doing great work, it’s not a place you want to be anyhow. Never let on how you managed to pull this off. Cultivate an air of mystery.

A lot of the other rules seem to be about making yourself scarce and not talking too much. Some of these may apply more to job searches than to daily team interactions. I mean you have to lean in and actually apply for positions, but then after that, try not to look desperate.

If you don’t do good work, you will need to master more typical workplace tactics of stalling and deception. You can learn these from reading “Dilbert” cartoons.