Question: I’m tasked with making a set of developer docs more user-friendly so that people will adopt our open-source framework, but the core developers don’t see why being able to find things in the docs is such a big deal. Maybe they think everyone should just read the code.

Answer:

Remember the old movie “Ninotchka” with Greta Garbo? She’s a Soviet agent during the Cold War, back when Russia was Communist and was called the U.S.S.R. and was considered bad. Melvyn Douglas is a charmingly detestable capitalist who wins her over, eventually.

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Question: So I have started to lie openly on my Agile status reports. However, I told my team that I was lying, which makes it OK, right? 

Answer:

This is what happens when “optics” are more important than “results”, because upper management is so over-committed that all they have time to do is review spreadsheets, rather than talking to actual humans.
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Question: Everyone here seems to work successfully in 5-minute increments except for me. What am I doing wrong? Do I need Adderall?

Answer:

I used to think companies specifically hired for 20-somethings with ADD. Later, when it happened to me, I realized that the environments themselves cause ADD even in people with normal attention spans. If you’re resistant, the last thing you need is Adderall! I’d try coffee, binge-watching TV, gaming, sleep deprivation, or maybe dodgeball.

Question: Sometimes in our team meetings I have to bring up blocking issues, and lately I’ve been getting yelled at for being negative. Even mentioning them privately gets me slammed as “wildly unproductive.” Pretending that a problem doesn’t exist won’t make it go away. That’s just crazy.

Answer:

I think you nailed it on the crazy. This is a microcosm of the world at large, where declaring things as true is the norm more than ever before. Your project manager probably feels like she’s losing control of the project. She’s got pressure from above as well as from below (that’s you, punk bitch), so cut her a little slack if you can.

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Question: We have so many management tools that I have to do the same thing 5 times in each tool. When am I supposed to to any work?

Answer:

I don’t think people will have time to check for that, frankly. They’re all stuck in stand-up meetings themselves and responding to multiple calendar invites for the same event, over and over. Eventually yes, you’ll have to produce work. A lot less than you’re shooting for, though. Match your productivity to everyone else’s, and just give up on trying to crank out anything substantial. If they don’t have time to check on your work, they might not have time to check the management tools, either. Only enter your stuff in there if somebody complains.