Existing Content

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Question: Why can’t companies call me in BEFORE their content becomes a hot mess?

Answer:
You can’t make content plans with nothing there to work with. It’s like organizing your sock drawer when you’ve never even worn shoes. Maybe you are from the Barefoot Island where no one has ever heard of socks. Suddenly, the Island is underwater due to climate change and all the indigenous folks have to go live in Chicago with those bone-chilling winters.

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Parrot Revenge

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Question: How can I use innocent gadgets to needle people in my open office without getting caught?

Answer:
My original idea was to get a live parrot, and just train it to insult people by name in a large open office. This will be traced back to you pretty quickly, though, so add stealth to your strategy. There are many devices, and probably apps as well, which can record conversations for later playback, possibly remotely, when your target walks past your empty desk.

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5 Things Not to Say in Your Exit Interview

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Question: My petty tyrant of a boss has finally downsized me. I should be crushed, but I’m so elated that I feel like dancing on his desk. Now I can tell him the truth about how I feel, right?

Answer:
Ahaha, very funny. Try to work out your angst with cartoons or laughing amongst your friends. Even there, though, be careful – emails have a way of going to the wrong recipient.

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Going to Mars is Easier

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Question: I’m bewildered by our healthcare situation. And yet we have tech companies who are so smart they can solve almost any problem using machine learning and other advanced data techniques. Why don’t they tackle healthcare instead of funding vanity projects?

Answer:
Nobody has yet created a computer model or used machine learning to successfully predict or simulate the behavior of our national legislature. Also, have you ever READ an actual piece of legislation? It’s worse than regulatory language, which also doesn’t make much sense.

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Evil Twin Likes Trouble

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Question: My evil twin likes trouble, but then I have to deal with it later on.

Answer:
Trouble is a tool, like a hammer. The tool itself has no morals of its own, and “trouble” per se is not always a bad thing, if it frees up things that are stuck. The problem is the amount of rationalization involved, because stirring the pot has a thrill akin to arson, and while arson might get rid of a nasty old building that should be torn down anyway, is it REALLY the best way to go about it?

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