Question: A lot of brainiac types are talking about microdosing and other “brain hacks” to make themselves smarter and enhance performance. Does this actually work? Is it safe?

Answer:
The science and art of cranial self-enhancement has been going on since the first monkey ate some kind of crazy fungus, saw the Great Primate Up in the Sky, and drilled a hole in its own head. Nowadays, our stimulants are divided by law and morality into things that can get you arrested vs. things that are more or less mandatory.

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Question: I actually got yelled at the other day for thinking on the job. Why did I get a fancy college degree if all they need are spec sheets that don’t even make any sense?

Answer:
This has to do with the stupidification of work, a term coined by Matthew B. Crawford in his book “Shop Class as Soulcraft“.

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Question: Every day work is a non-stop barrage of interruptions where every single thing is “ultra mega hyper urgent”. This is stopping me from completing any deliverables at all. Plus I have no attention span. When I go home I’m too exhausted to even cook. It’s worrisome.

Answer:
A wise fellow once said to me, “Urgent is not the same as important.” Unless you’re in the ER, things should not be in a constant state of crisis. Crises can be addictive: the amped-up intensity becomes an end unto itself. A lot of companies rely on a manufactured sense of urgency as a form of speed to get their employees running ever faster on their little hamster wheels.

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Question: I keep hearing about how Americans don’t know how to get along in Japan. Will learning Japanese social protocols make me a master of international relations?

Answer:
Each national culture has its own quirks that have to be learned from direct experience. I discovered almost by accident that rapping a ruler on a table will cause a boisterous roomful of German executives to immediately sit up straight and pay attention. It’s a Pavlovian response.

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Question: Someone from another department asked me to do a one-pager. What could possibly go wrong?

Answer:
Beware those innocent-seeming requests, because they can mushroom into huge projects overnight. Even simple asks can be like that cute baby alligator that seemed so harmless back in the pet shop. Or, it’s like turning over that sofa cushion on the porch and finding a huge nest of hornets, all of whom are about to come after you like in the movie “The Swarm”. If you know the other department like the back of your hand, it’s probably OK, but if you don’t, there will almost certainly be hidden factors that you can’t bullshit your way around.

Question: One of my reviewers wrote “WRONG” on the top of my 300-page document with no explanation, and the other one spent 4 months painstakingly copy-editing every line. WTF?

Answer:

It’s good to tell reviewers what sort of feedback you’re looking for, because some people are born copy editors and will spend hours or days fixating on typos or bits of toner that fell on the paper during printing.

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Question:
It seems like projects go from top priority to dead and back again multiple times per day. I don’t have time to even start any projects, much less complete even an interim draft.

Answer:
This is an unfortunate effect of the new Agile methodologies that supposedly bestow superpowers, such as being able to stop on a dime and instantly switch to something else.

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Question: I’m feeling stuck and I can’t move forward.

Answer:
Get some mentoring, because there are a number of reasons why you could be stuck. Proper diagnosis is essential to a successful cure. Mostly what you need are decisions so you can reach some sort of closure, even if that closure is not ideal.

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Question: I can’t work during meetings because of all the talking, but if I wear headphones everyone knows I’m not listening.

Answer:
Get a Cone of Silence.

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Question:
People keep asking my why documentation takes so long, and why I can’t work any faster.

Answer:
This behavior is a result of a speeded-up workplace that eats into everyone’s personal lives to the point where instant gratification is the only way they can cope. I searched for a long time for some mystic horseman’s word that worked on executives, but never found it.

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